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Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

My portfolio stocking is now hanging in anticipation of being filled with all manner of good stocks for 2017 and none of the stuff that’s bad for you and rots your wealth.

At the top of my wish-list is a handful of stocks that all go up by 10% and pay an average fully franked dividend yield of 6% with no foreign exchange risk and no regulatory risk, if you don’t mind.

I know I asked for that last year (and the year before that) but I’m sure you simply cut and pasted the same boring list of banks and Telstra. The batteries were flat (like the dividends) and nearly caught fire while recharging (oh, sorry, that was Dad’s S7) and you forgot to tell me about the fine print on insufficient regulatory capital.

If that nice young fellow Dr Lowe at the RBA hits the green light button on interest rate rises next year and flattens the housing market like a WA cyclone, will my bank shares fall over like a straw hut? I’m pretty sure my economics teacher once told me the banks were nothing but an over-geared housing bet.

And after underperforming my best friend’s resources portfolio this year by heaps, you owe me big time.

If it’s not just a fad, can I have some of those cool iron ore stocks with their driverless truck and train sets? My mate says his Chinese friends are a bit anaemic or something and need all the low cost, high quality 62% Platts FeO they can get their hands on. Should I go for the one flavour Fortescue model or the multi-coloured BHP Billiton composite set in case the Chinese need to buy the multi-mineral solution? My Dad says I can have either as long as they don’t suddenly start buying other accessories for silly prices at the top of the cycle.

I am reliably informed, by the breakfast telly people, that the festive season is in already full swing and that all the gnomes in retail-land are in need of my hard earned pocket money as early as possible.

My cranky Aunt Betty reckons the commercial networks are addicted to retail advertising dollars and don’t deserve any government handouts like reduced licence fees which they only keep for themselves anyway.

But all my mates want drones and Go-Pros so maybe I should get some of those JB Hi-Fi shares. My Uncle Arthur used to like those Harvey Norman ones (coz he looks and sounds like the bloke on the telly) but now he knows the storeowners get looked after with cheap loans and stuff, he doesn’t trust them.

I’d also really like some of those awesome Bunnings shares but not with all the silly packaging and unnecessary extras that come with it. Who wants a piece of coal in their stocking? Mum says we’re having an Aldi Christmas this year, so I think that means I’m getting socks and jocks from Kevin Klein.

Gran needs a hip replacement next year and she’s going private because her surgeon needs a new Ferrari before the Prostheses list gets chopped off at the knee. Even I know that means I should have some Ramsay Healthcare shares because they look after their doctors as much as their patients.

Don’t stuff my stocking with any of those health insurance stocks either, please. Their claims experience is going south as fast as their policy lapse rates are heading north. Don’t you think it’s a bit of a red flag when a new boss says he will focus on the customer? What were they doing before? I’ll tell you what – simply going cap in hand to the government each year with outrageous premium rate increase requests, inflated by their own inefficiency. I’ll wait for the dust to settle after the Federal Health Minister finishes all those big reviews, although I don’t hold out much hope she’ll achieve any real change from an industry entrenched in gouging its customers.

Maybe I really need a holiday after such a stressful year waiting for our 6-week Federal election to finish, then waiting for the Brexit vote to end, and then waiting for Hillary to hand the US Presidency to DJT in November.

Airfares are getting quite cheap these days, as you know, but only if you’re going overseas. It seems like the local airlines are controlling the number of seats flying within Australia to keep airfares up, but with so many new airlines flying into Australia from overseas, it’s turning Sydney Airport into a whirlwind of passenger activity. They’re so busy, they might need another airport soon.

It’s a Christmas tradition in our family to play Monopoly and the old set is getting a bit worn out after the odd argument or five over the rules. Everyone plays the free parking rule don’t they? It reminded me to ask for some shares in REA Group which is kind of the same concept as the board game. If you have the biggest market share you can keep putting the prices up and make heaps more money than anyone else.

If you’ve got any spare room on your sleigh, can you throw in a stocking filler like Netcomm Wireless if it’s not too much trouble? I know the boss has slipped into retirement but he’s left behind a business with three big deals, including a new one with the NBN and another with a big US company that wants to buy their cool telecommunications stuff.

That lot should keep me going for next year, fingers crossed.

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